The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have been in the news recently after their blog post recommendations for emergency preparedness, described as a means of surviving a zombie apocalypse. This started me thinking. What if Night of the Living Dead or I Am Legend actually occurred? I am hoping that you have spent as much time examining this question as I have. One must be prepared. No one ever thinks it will happen to him, until it does.
Source: Pastor Matt's Blog
After some time in thought, I realized that I would be a goner: I have no real survival skills; I have no stock of water, batteries, medicines, et cetera, as the CDC recommends; and I have limited skills with firearms, which seem to become terribly important when the zombie apocalypse arrives. I realized then that I, and the world would need a hero, a champion, one who could lead us away from the brink. Who could be this person? The recent film adaptation of I Am Legend suggests that the world needs a virologist who is a soldier and who looks surprisingly like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. But, as we all know, the Fresh Prince without DJ Jazzy Jeff is useless in a crisis. Who then? Who could lead us away from global disaster without the tools recommended by the CDC (be honest: you don’t have them ready, either)? Finally the muse struck, and the name of humankind’s champion arose in my mind: Angus MacGyver.
For those of you not acquainted with the powers of MacGyver, he is a super hero able to stop a sulfuric acid leak with a chocolate bar, a man able to escape narcotraficantes with a home-made bamboo airplane, a man who knows to mix bleach with ammonia to make a cloud of mustard gas (against the Geneva conventions I admit, but in a zombie apocalypse the requirements of bleeding heart liberals no longer matter) to block the path of his pursuers, a man who saves the day and gets the girl.
I thought to myself, “What would MacGyver do in a zombie apocalypse?” First, he would have already read the work of Harvard ethnobiologist Wade Davis, who has done a lot of research on the origin of real-life zombies. According to Davis, the creation of a zombie takes three steps: 1) a neurotoxin such as tetrodotoxin, 2) a dissociative drug or hallucinogenic drug like datura, and 3) physical abuse and psychological trauma making the individual think he or she is dead and a zombie. MacGyver, get to work!
In reverse order, the treatment of the psychological trauma will demand the patience of a world-class mensch. MacGyver has this, but it will take more time than MacGyver has between commercials, so we will have to use some editing techniques. But that is easily done. Next, dissociative drugs are often anticholinergic and are resolved through gastric lavage and oxygen. MacGyver would likely produce an emetic from the adhesive on the back of his trusty duct tape roll. The neurotoxin, however, is a bit more tricky. No known treatment exists to counteract tetrodotoxin. However, MacGyver would, of course, know that tetrodotoxin blocks action potential propagation throughout the nervous system. Thus, he would have to get creative. He would most likely resolve to attach electrodes to the head and torso of the zombie and run the wires to the terminals of the battery of a 1968 Dodge Dart. By revving the engine, the zombie would be revived! A homemade defibrillator! Easy as pie!
However, since none of us is Angus MacGyver, we would all quickly be rounded up and converted to the growing hordes of zombies. Or, if we were “lucky” enough to hide somewhere far away from the zombies, we would eventually be forced to resort to cannibalism, as no one in our group had an emergency preparedness kit.
The moral of the story is: It is easier to store water and batteries than to build a defibrillator.
Mark Stewart holds a Master’s in Education from the University of Michigan and is currently a Master’s student in the Epidemiology Department at the School of Public Health.
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Since a “Zombie” like state could be induced by a prion (like a virus but smaller) causing Kuru, mad cow disease, Cruezfeldt-Jakob syndrome, etc, there would likely be no cure, only quaratine or annhilation. Could happen if these prions mutated into fast as opposed to slow viruses (which they currently are), or worse, airborne transmitters. OH MY! Recent epidemiological studies by WHO on the spread of H1N1 show just how quickly worldwide spread would occur. Pack your backpack to trek to the Arctic or some other godforsaken place. Also don’t bother with a facemask! Studies by CDC show a level 5 suit would be only real protection!